San Sebastian, Spain 2004:

Sinners Vs San Sebastian

Unusually for any Sinners side, we were first to arrive at the venue of our first tour game. The opposition being nowhere in sight gave us the chance to take in our surroundings, a sports club adjacent to Real Sociedad’s home ground, and to show watching athletes prancing ably around the perimeter track that we had absolutely nothing in common with them.

The weather, crap even by Welsh standards, was the only factor to make us feel even vaguely at home. Despite vigorous lobbying by the Sinners hierarchy, the San Sebastian first team would not be our opposition that day, so we were to face their Vet’s side…so no problems there you would think. It soon became apparent within the first five minutes of the game that these old blokes were somewhat fitter and faster than expected. Playing to Sinners rules of no kicking, of course made life difficult in the extreme and rather more energetic than many had hoped for.

Feeling fresh and generally up for it, our “Man of the Match”, Laf, streaked into the corner for our first try. “Piece of piss” we all thought. Sadly, this was a misjudgment, as these geriatric matadors came back at us in force and numbers. Their understanding of the rules being somewhat limited, meant that some of our boys generously agreed to undertake some educational duties. I gathered through various conferences with the referee, a somewhat beleaguered and confused figure, that this did not meet with the approval of the opposition.

Tempers became frayed, leading to the dismissal of John Copp in the second half. This after we had lost Pat Crabtree and DPJ to dubious fat-boy injuries, probably sustained the night before.

After a bit of rejigging, the match was played out to a 15-all draw, the Sinners were nervously still holding out with a number of try-saving tackles at the death. Strong performances from debutante Dizzy, Nick Bellis as keen as ever to impress the teachers, James Lancaster a true colossus up front and about as fast as one as well, Hasselhoff strong in the centre, and even Grant Mitchell had a good game.

Despite being in their advancing years, our hosts were able to stay out late and swap Ovaltine for dodgy cider and goat stew at a local dining club.

Sinners Vs Pamplona

The weather was very different for our second game against the Vets of Pamplona. The two-hour journey to Pamplona provided the team the opportunity to sit back and relax and watch Barnaby Richardson barf at the side of the road. Having arrived, a number of the team still struggling with the effects of three big nights on the town found conditions difficult when faced with the arduous walk from the car park to the changing rooms. With oxygen having been administered, we then got on with the serious business of pretending to be “up for it”.

On a hard pitch, we again faced an aging but energetic side and, just like the San
Sebastian game, they had more reinforcements than Neil Hay’s surgeon…unfortunately, we had Barney. The enforced withdrawal through injury of DPJ and Pat meant that young Barney was pressed into action rather earlier than we had hoped. Sadly for him and his team, he was soon put in a scoring position having somehow managed to catch the ball but then harmlessly ran into touch. Not forgotten will be his misjudgment of a high ball when, as he bravely positioned himself to take the catch, opened his arms and .......the ball hit him slap on the top of the head and bounced off. Things didn’t improve much and he went off to lie down.

After a slow start, the boys found a higher low gear, enabling us to come out winners by 6 tries to 1. Spider was correctly awarded to Neil Hempsall for his hopeless cross kick, which fell to a rather surprised member of the opposition who, having discarded his walking frame, caught the ball and fell over the line to score their only try. Phil Clapp was deservedly our “Man of the Match”, or more likely the only Sinner that looked vaguely interested. Nick De Scossa and Nick Goodwin put in a splendid performance in the engine room, harking back to their golden years (as if they ever existed!).

Our opposition again proved to be very hospitable, even to our Welsh contingent, and laid on a good spread of local nosh at their clubhouse. Gifts were exchanged (they weren’t keen to take Shagger) and we then headed into Pamplona for a few beers, and later back to San Sebastian for a final night on the piss.

Prague, Czech Republic 2003:

Sinners Vs FC Brno

Amidst a sea of Whitfield vomit, local boy Mazzotti explained to us in a crowded bar in central Prague on the Wednesday night that our opposition were not likely to be a bunch of whipping boys from the back of beyond. Unusually for Gary he was right. As Phil Clapp explained on the delayed three-hour journey to Hungary’s second city, with the working day finishing at 4:00 PM most locals would head for the gym or rugby training. FC Brno were clearly committed to both.

We arrived late. FC Brno were on the pitch warmed up and looking mean. Sinners RFC were not particularly mean and some clearly would have preferred to have stayed hidden on the coach …. shame we didn’t.

We took to the pitch eventually, having selected a side from our extensive resources of 17 players. Encouraged but generally abused from the sidelines by Neil Hay, we took the lead after five minutes. Just as charming a cobra from its basket, our boy Mowgli at No 10 slotted a drop goal to take us 3-0 up. Suggested tactics of playing out the remaining 75 minutes for a 3-0 win didn’t really pay off despite best efforts to kick the ball over the fence. We lost 48-3, bringing back the harsh memories of Zimbabwe ’95. Their captain and No 8, built like Ben Patient but only bigger, stronger, fitter and nastier, took us apart and clearly enjoyed running at and over Tarqs, only for his brave captain to come to his aid on numerous occasions.

The Spider Award was eagerly contested by Mike Carroll on the wing, showing all the courage and pace of a damp carpet, and Angus Graham at scrumhalf, (or "no scrumhalf", as was often heard called), whose passing caused as much amusement amongst the locals as his teammates. Strangely, Tarqs at flyhalf didn’t share their enjoyment. If it was not for Will Campbell, the score would have been far higher (points for Brno that is) making numerous tackles at fullback. Nick Bellis was “Man of the Match” in the centre, and DPJ was his usual solid self if a bit vocal, but no change there.

After-match festivities were brief, but long enough for the dog bowl to appear (and the peg – and sometimes at the same time), and for Gus to sulk as yet again having to sport his favourite evening wear.

Prague Barbarians, 15-a-Side Tournament

Just what we needed, a four-team tournament on a hot Saturday afternoon following four days on the lash – thanks Danny. Even better, one of the teams was Welsh, their members having been spotted in the City, bringing their own unique brand of charm to the Czech Republic.

Fortunately for us, we were involved in the first match against a Welsh Select XV. Sometimes fair-minded individuals will feel a degree of pity towards the Welsh, but then you encounter them, on this occasion on the rugby pitch with their intellectually challenged supporters on the sidelines, and then the realisation comes that all you ever heard about them was true.

Sounds familiar but our opposition were (again) bigger, fitter and stronger, and all called Biffa. Just before the start, looking at our forwards it appeared that no-one was terribly keen to have to collect their kick-off, but we did and actually gave a good account of ourselves, spurned on by a pile-driving tackle by Ben Patient on one of the tossers in red. Gus installed at fly-half made amends for the Brno game. Bellis in at scrumhalf played as an extra back row, and Rhino enjoyed friendly banter with their supporters. We lost, but felt that we could win the remaining two games.

The second game we should have walked, against another bunch of Brits from Wareham, who made us look relatively athletic (well most of us) and we should have won, had it not been for Tarqs’ inability to slot a conversion from in front of the post. We drew 12-all.

The last game, against Prague Barbarians, was well won by the Sinners with tries by Bellis, the Captain, and even Mike Carroll. The Captain had to take over kicking responsibilities in his eagerness not to be the first Sinners captain to come home with no victories, but of course it was never in doubt. Phil Mitchell got out man of the match award for his outstanding tackling, and DP-J getting a well-deserved player of the tour. Top tourist was Will Campbell